Helping Others

If you think someone is being abused:

If you are worried about the mental wellbeing or physical safety of a friend, co-worker or member of whānau let them know you are concerned, and listen to what they have to say.

Ways you can support them:

  • Offer them a safe place to stay should they need to leave their home quickly.
  • Offer to help locate Queer, Trans* and Takatāpui friendly support services.
  • Help to create a safety plan.
  • Offer to make contact with, and go with them to a support service.

People may stay in a relationship with an abusive person for many reasons, which may not be known to you. Avoid judging them.

Signs someone may be experiencing abuse:

  • Seem nervous and fearful, perhaps of someone’s reaction.
  • Try to isolate themselves from friends and whānau.
  • Seem sad, angry or lacking confidence.
  • Appear to be keeping secrets or nervous or anxious.

If you think someone is being abusive:

Letting a friend know you are concerned their behaviour may be abusive can be very difficult. Make sure they know this is your observation, not anything their partner has said, and listen to what they have to say.

Start the conversation with things like:

  • “I am concerned about some of things I’ve seen you do with your partner.”
  • “I feel uncomfortable when I hear/see you treating your partner in that way. It’s not OK.”
  • “You are still responsible for your own behaviour. It is never OK to abuse someone.”

Signs someone may be being abusive:

  • Use threatening looks and words towards their partner, children or others.
  • Yell and swear at their partner or family.
  • Act jealous and possessive, such as constantly checking on their partner.
  • Use put downs and criticism to embarrass people close to them.
  • Make all the decisions, e.g. about their partner spending money.
  • Physically intimidate people